Once upon a time, in a land-filled ocean, there was a wheel. This wheel was a real high-roller, if you know what I mean. This thing was no spin-off of it's parents, that's for sure. This guy could really roll with the big boys. Anyway, he got hit by a Set 65 Torpedo one day, and it really really hurt. "Why, oh why, did you, the russians, shoot a projectile, that Set 65 torpedo, at me, a wheel?"
"There's just something about you that pisses us off," cried the russians in tiny childlike voices.
"What, I ask, is it about me, the wheel, that makes you, the torpedo-flinging Russians, so mad?"
We haven't a clue. Actually, we just wanted to get rid of that torpedo. When you have torpedos on your ship all the time, they start arguing with each other and get really annoying. Then they'll start projecting funny things over our sonar systems, like the sound of a chocolate bar being hit by a tidal wave. After that, there's just no point in keeping them. You have to shoot them at somebody or they get angry and come back and hit you where the sun don't shine, which is pretty much anywhere as long as you're several hundred feet below sea level."
Suddenly, millions of thoughts started rolling quietly through the wheel's axel. This was because at that moment, the wheel grew an axel. Soon it would be time to reproduce. A simbiotic relationship would begin with another wheel and this one. They would be connected by the axel this first wheel just grew. They would grow to love each other, and want to get closer. Unfortunately, they never will and will die oh-so-far apart from each other, but not before shattering into 58324372754327153423547564715433 pieces which will all grow into brand new wheels which will continue to live that same meaningless existence through all the rest of time.
Anyway, those thoughts were rolling through the wheels head. Unfortunately, and quite abruptly, the Russians fired another Set 65, and the wheel was ahnialated. And let me tell you, those pieces didn't grow into brand new wheels. A female wheel, who was going to be that one's mate, could no longer find him and thus was the wheel race doomed. How terribly sad.