The Adventures of Bill: Revenge of the Tuna Fish
"Ouch," said Bill as his father hit him repeatedly in the back of the head with a tuna fish. "That sort of hurts only I'm kinda numb right now so it really doesn't."
After having said this, Bill fell over onto a tuna fish. "It's about time I knocked you out," said his father who was at that exact moment morphing into a giant tuna fish.
"Yeah," said the tuna that had been used to knock Bill unconscious, "But you didn't have to bring us so close to your kid. He smells worse than I do and that's saying something. You know, I really hate your kid."
"So do I," said the fish that had been crushed under Bill's incredible weight. "I hate him with the hatred of a thousand rabid tuna fish. That kid must die!"
When that fish was finished, it promptly died. Bill stood up with relief, (the fish had been breathing in his face and it really stunk), and started to run. He couldn't run for very long because he ran into, of all the things in the world, a tuna fish. The fish slapped him in the face, kicked him in the stomach, and threw him against the wall. If you're wondering how it did these things, nobody has yet figured it out. "Hi, Bill," the fish greeted cheerfully.
The fish was a little late with the greeting, though. The wall that Bill was thrown against crumbled inwards and Bill fell thousands of feet to his utter doom. Well, he would have been doomed except that a gigantic pile of a thousand hungry rabid tuna fish broke his fall. "Fresh meat!" cried the fish who were ironically vegetarian.
"Oh please," cried Bill in his usual high tone. "Don't eat me. I don't want to die! There are still several stories that must be written about me. I can't die yet!"
Well, he didn't die. The fish did take several chunks out of him however. They were mostly small unimportant chunks. An arm here, a trakia there, and maybe a leg or two, but nothing major. And as a final insult, Bill's friend Jim, who had also turned into a giant tuna fish, relieved himself all over poor Bill. At least somebody in this story was relieved.