Journey to the Center of the Doughnut


                One fine and crisp new day, a cop, yes a cop, walked stiffly into a doughnut shop. He had just gotten out of his car, an awesome ride that the local kids called "sweet," (he was off duty and we all know that cops get payed more than they deserve,) and he had decided to walk the last few blocks home. "I'll just walk the last few blocks home," he said to himself feeling in the mood to be redundant.


                Now most people at this point in the story would ask: what about his car? Is he just going to leave it there? Isn't it a sweet ride? Won't somebody steal it? The answers to the last three questions are no, yes, and no. Here is the answer to the first. The cop simply picked up his car and walked off. Oh no, he wasn't a supercop or anything, he just happened to have a brand new portable forklift with him. Imagine that.


                So here he was, an off-duty cop with a sweet ride in his arms, or in his forklift, walking briskly down the street. It was then that he spotted the doughnut shop. Now we all know that cops go crazy for doughnuts, and this was no exception. He instantly forgot all about his sweet car. In fact, the car was so forgotten to the round-faced cop that he no longer knew what the thing on the portable forklift really was. Well this cop hated not knowing things and was thrown into a sudden fit of rage when he didn't. For this reason, the cop went into a sudden fit of rage.

                He did a supercrusher flying kick of pain death and destruction to the car, and launched it right off the forklift. All right, he was a superhuman cop after all. The car flew 200046.1635247456318 feet from that point, and landed smack dab on a chicken who was claiming, quite loudly in fact, that the sky was falling. The car then blew up and created a massive ball of fire which convinced the rest of the farm animals that the chicken was right. "She's right!" they cried. "Let's get out of here!"


                Later, reports on the news would tell of animals who had done the most extraordinary things like jumping over very tall fences, overpowering and overtaking farm equipment, and jumping over houses and very tall office buildings just to get away from a fireball which was continuously following them. However, the animals weren't the main characters of this tale, and they still aren't. The cop, the real main character, walked right into the doughnut shop with a large piece of his driver's side window stuck to his foot. He didn't care, though. He was going to have that doughnut, and nobody was going to stand in his way.


                "You're in my way," he shouted at the very large man who was standing, quite easily, in his way.


                The man moved and the cop went up to the counter. The cop had been there 608 times already that week and the guy at the counter knew just what the cop would order. Gladly, the clerk gave the cop his doughnut.


                And so everybody was a winner in this story, except for the car. The cop got his doughnut, and a small family about 20 miles from a certain farm got some new pet cows, horses, pigs, and chickens. You may be asking, what happened to the forklift? The cop threw that too, and it picked up a homeless guy who was feeling down, and dropped him in the farmhouse of that certain farm. This is truly a happy ending.