The Adventures of Bill: Bill Strikes Back


                "Bill?" yelled his mom. "Are you still out there? Get in here so I can beat the living snot out of you."


                It was unfortunate for the cow that Bill's mom called him at that exact moment, for it distracted him and he lost his balance and toppled over. "Oh great," said the cow. "Why is it that for the last two times I have tried to exact my revenge, something happens and I can't do it? Will somebody tell me why?"


                "Oh no!" cried Bill who was standing again. "I don't want to go in there. My mommy will hurt me. I don't want to get beaten again."


                "You have a lot worse to worry about than a beating from your Mom," said the grill. "You have a deranged cow after you and he wants to kill you. At least your mother is nicer."


                "But she's not," cried Bill. "She wants to kill me too. Only she wants to make it slow and painful and long and stuff."


                "I take that back," said the grill. "The cow is nicer."


                "BILL!" called his mother. "HURRY UP! These brass knuckles wrapped in barbed wire can only be worn for so long you know."


                "Not those again. I hate those."


                "You must have a really high threshold of pain to take all of that," said the grill who then shot a spark at Bill. Bill toppled over screaming in pain and began to cry like a little baby. "Guess not."


                After 23.23 seconds of whimpering, Bill jumped up. "That's it! I'm not going in there. I'm gonna stay right out here and battle this cow to the death. I don't care anymore. I think I want it to end."


                "Good," said the cow who was still feeling embarrassed that it had been foiled that last time. "I'll make it quick. You won't survive a minute once this battle begins."


                "You're probably right," said Bill. "Everyone's probably right. I'm used to being wrong. Brandon tells me that i'm wrong all the time."


                "Let's do this," said the cow.


                "Bill! Bill! He's our man, and if he can't do it, no one can!" cried the grill who was now getting into the spirit of things.


                "I'm the ref," said the empty air. "Guys, take your positions. Oh yeah and Bill, would you actually hit him hard this time?"


                "As hard as I can," said Bill.


                "This is gonna be easy," the cow laughed.


                "Ding ding ding," the empty air rang out.


                Bill and the cow both charged at each other. The battle started off with a beautiful punch to the rib cage by the cow. Then, however, Bill surprised everyone. Bill pumched the cow on the right side of its head, then the left side, then in front. The cow toppled to the ground! Bill had actually knocked it down! Bill couldn't believe what he had just done with that adrenalin rush he just got. He also couldn't believe that the rush wasn't over yet. He did a sort of kick combo while the cow was down. The cow screamed in pain! Bill was actually hurting it! What would happen next?


                The cow jumped to its feet. The pain had given it its own rush and now it was mad. It gave bill the old one-two punch, a left hook, then a right, then a release german suplex. Bill cried out with each attack. He was still able to stand though, even through the terrible pain he was in. That was a new thing as well. Usually, he just broke down when he felt any pain, but he wasn't giving up this time.


                Suddenly, Bill felt some sort of power surge through him. HE had never felt it before, and although he didn't know it yet, he would never feel it again. Then Bill realized what he was beginning to do. He had seen it on some video game that Brandon and his friend were playing. He was doing a mystic art! "Hwaaaaaah!" Bill said in a rising tone. This would defeat the cow for sure!


                Now we all know that mystic arts are combined efforts between a mystic and their origin, so what was Bill's origin? Well at that moment, the empty air seemed to be growing solid and electricity seemed to be running through it. So then, it seems that Bill's origin is the empty air! Bill was able to do a super kind of slow-motion jump upwards. It looked like he was going to temporarily become part of his origin so he could perform the final attack. Up and up he went towards the swirling electrical air, and then...


                His mother caught him with one arm. Remember, I said slow-motion so up and up isn't necessarily very far. She caught him, raised him up just a little higher but not high enough to make contact with his origin, and punched him in the forehead with the barbed wire brass knuckles of pain. At the exact moment of impact, she released him from her grip. "Hooowah," said Bill as he fell like a sack of potatoes to the ground.


                The swirling electrified empty air fizzled out slowly but not before shooting a few sparks at the cow that the grill was jealous of. And then, the beating began. Bill's mom did an insane punch combo of 450 hits, switched which hand wore the knuckles, and did it again. Then she threw in an extra 100 hits for good measure. "you're one heartless woman," said the grill as little antennae sprouted atop Bill's mom's head.


                In the end, Bill's mom had punched the mark of the mystic right out of Bill, so Bill would never use his origin again. Bill's lifebar needed time to recharge, since his intestinal fortitude stat was pretty low. And to make matters worse, the cow still lived, meaning that this feud wasn't over. No in fact, it was far from over.