The Adventures of Bill: Attack of the cow


                "Oh my goodness gracious me!" shouted Bill as the cow jumped from the grill. "That doesn't usually happen, does it?"


                "No, it sure doesn't," replied the grill. "But I guess that since he's so hot under the collar, he's just not going to die until he defeats you. The front of him may have become a hamburger, but revenge gives him a whole new life! If I were you, Bil, I would prepare to die!"


                "Are you me?" asked Bill confused.


                "No, but you've got to take this seriously. You will die!"


                "I believe I already explained to somebody that I cannot die because so many more stories are to be written about me. So I'm just going to sit here and relax and wait for that cow to burn itself out. Hey, I just made a funny! If only Brandon could hear it, I'm sure he would admit that it was better than his jokes."


                "No it's not!" cried the cow who suddenly ran at Bill and did the one thing that almost nobody expected of it. It slapped him in the face, kicked him in the stomach, and threw him against a tree. (There were no walls nearby since bill was in his backyard.) So we now know the truth. It wasn't revenge that gave the frontally fried cow a new life and sense of purpose, it was Brandon!


                "Hello again Bill," said the cow cheerfully.


                "But I thought I ate part of your being as a hamburger!" cried Bill.


                "You did, and if you remember, The Boy saw you do it."


                "Oh you mean that devilish deamon? That terrible demon? That horrible deamon? That no-good demon?"


                "Stop talking about yourself," said the cow. "The Boy looked like a deamon, but he wasn't a real one. The point was that you are right. You did eat part of me as a hamburger. But in case you didn't notice, Brandon has infested me with himself."


                "I didn't notice," said Bill sadly. "Great. Now nobody will think I'm cool anymore. Now they will all call me a deamon and I will be publically linched or something. Why? Wy?"


                "Don't worry about it," replied the cow as it jumped over the moon and came back down next to Bill. "Nobody is going to linch you because I am going to destroy you!"


                "I'm already destroyed," said Bill beginning to cry. "I'm destroyed inside and I can never be brought back. Brandon did that by laughing in my face the last time something happened to me."


                "Oh no, you're not destroyed yet," said the cow laughing in his face. "You just wait."


                "I can wait no longer," Bill said. "Destroy me. Destroy me now!" Then Bill got an idea. It was the best and most interesting idea he got all day. It may have been the most original idea of his life. "Wait a minute," he said with an idea in his head. "What would happen if I fought back? Yes, I will fight back. I will not be destroyed today. I'll give you a taste of your own medicine Brandon!"


                Following this, Bill proceeded to slap the cow in the stomach, kick it in the face, and try to throw the tree against it. When Bill couldn't throw the tree, he tried again. He was going to keep trying until he did it. Unfortunately for Bil, the cow was still very conscious. You see, Bill didn't exactly slap or kick very hard, and he still hadn't thrown that tree, so the cow just kicked him in the side and Bill toppled like a tree to the ground. The cow was extatic. Now, finally, after seven minutes of waiting, it would be able to exact its revenge upon Bill. It lifted up its foot, ready to crush Bill's chest, and then...


                Sorry, you'll have to wait for the next story. Bill 5! Coming soon to a computer near you, or maybe one that's not exactly but relatively close to you, or one in Kenya or something. Anyways, the next story will tell the tale.